That Thing You Do (Or Don't)

The most ordinary incidents often ignite the most powerful reflections.

Take, for instance, what happened to me a couple of weeks ago. It was early in the morning, on a particularly cold day, and I'd been waiting on the subway platform for about ten minutes. When the train finally pulled into the station, it was crowded. But that's normal for the morning rush hour, and I thought nothing of it when I slipped through the open doors and made my way into an empty space in the center of the train.

Unfortunately, in order to get there, I accidentally brushed against a fellow with my handbag. I immediately apologized, and he retorted in a not-so-nice way. I was obviously bothered, but as is the way of things in New York, I simply apologized again, and no one on the train said a thing for the next few stops.

An older gentleman happened to be sitting in front of where I stood, busy reading a newspaper. When the train lurched, the paper brushed against my arm, and he apologized. I just offered a smile and assured him it was okay. And that would have been that, had he not said, "It happens." and left me with a wink and a smile. 

For the rest of the day, I could think of nothing else. I puzzled over why this incident had made such an impression, until I realized that it had caused me to think about actions. In particular, it made me think about the tendency for drama and how individuals respond to it in our blogging community.

A Call To Act

Every day, in just about every moment, we are given the opportunity to choose how to act. Each one of us is responsible for recognizing the call to act, and to distinguish whether we should be reactive or inactive. We either start something, respond to something or ignore something entirely, and in the best case scenario, the context influences what we choose to do.It is important to put a lot of consideration on the how, why and should behind your choice, and it's best to have time to think before you do. 

Ready to React

When something is done to us,  we rise to the moment baited by our own instincts. That's always what happens in my case, anyway. We may, on any given day, offer a smile, a curt word, an apology - and those are just the simplest examples.

It is in the execution where I feel the line between a good or a bad reaction is determined. I've seen my fair share of reaction incited by unjust accusations or misinformed news pieces. In most cases, a reaction is necessary to propel the conversation forward and to continue challenging those involved to be objective and seek all sides of the situation. However, there have been many moments where communication failed, as the person did not cautiously choose their words or even temper their tone, hence rendering the valid opinion they might have had into fodder to stir up further drama.

So, what happens when a reaction isn't doing more than fueling the fire of drama? People get their feelings hurt, real arguments break out and a lot of escalating emotions come into play. It's always a shame when conversations that had the potential to be life-changing breakthroughs become endless cycles of drama, with people taking one side or another.

Staying Inactive

Of course, there's also a way to potentially prevent any conflict at all - and that's choosing not to act. It's actually a valid choice to remain unresponsive, and sometimes, it can be the right thing to do. But shouldn't we defend ourselves/the right thing/the right person/etc? I'm not saying you shouldn't, because obviously, everyone has the right to speak up and share their opinions. But I do want you to consider the fact that sometimes, it is better to be inactive, at least in the short-term.

It is totally legitimate to not act, to bide your time until you are fully informed and capable of discussing/acting on whatever it is without your emotions threatening to overtake your rationality. Hear me out. Sometimes, our instinct is to react. But when you haven't properly prepared yourself, or carefully chosen your words and the tone you'll use, our comment turn incendiary. Instead of contributing to a meaningful conversation, we make it into an escalating conflict. Instead of trying to be objective and understanding other people's opinions, we turn it into an "us versus them" situation where only one person can be right. It becomes a confrontation, not a conversation.

I've witnessed scenarios where two people who had differing opinions were able to discuss things in a rational manner. Sure, they may not change their minds, but at least it was an objective, rational interaction that allowed them to carefully consider another perspective. That, my friends, is much more productive than insults, accusations or being uninformed.

A Last Thought

When it comes to choosing to react or stay out of the action, it all boils down to one thing: respect for basic human dignity. We often hear about treating others as we would like to be treated, and this is the most important lesson I've ever learned. If you're kinder to others, that returns to you tenfold. If you're joyful, that joy is reflected back at you. If you stay hopeful, others will be inspired to hope too. Whatever we choose to present to the world, however we choose to react, it does make a difference, whether we know it or not. 

It is why I would encourage you, dear friends and readers, to continue to be kind, be patient, be loving in the way you respond to anyone, whether it's your always optimistic best friend or the subway commuter who reacts harshly to an invasion of his space. Choosing your words and your actions, particularly as a response, is but one way you can help make the world a little bit better. So, whenever you're given a choice to act, I hope you choose to act wisely and with love.